Report: Red Bull is absolutely, positively done with New York

You might want to sit down for this one.

Want to know how fast Red Bull would sell off it's New York branch?

Two days, according to Grant Wahl in a report posted today on Sports Illustrated's Planet Futbol blog.

While Marc de Grandpre, the club's head of commercial operations, says the team is not for sale, one source says that if a buyer approached Red Bull and offered $300 million for the Red Bulls and their stadium, the deal would get done within 48 hours.

And that's just the first bit in Wahl's doozy a report, the kid we haven't been privy to since the tumultuous few months following the New York Red Bulls' 2012 playoff ouster at the hands of D.C. United.

Wahl also writes that there's "zero chance" Thierry Henry sticks around for another year -- not that he retires, necessarily, just that he leaves the Red Bulls -- and that Austria's toys in Salzburg and Leipzig are attracting more attention for the mothership in the face of declining soft drink revenues.

The whole thing is, obviously, worth a read, but the bits about a potential Red Bull sale are by far the most interesting. There was even, reportedly, interest from Manchester City (we were almost NYCFC?) and a New Jersey-based investor group

Many suspected Red Bull was growing disinterested in their MLS venture when no designated player was signed this summer and plans for a USL team were shelved last month.

But Red Bulls brass stressed that the ownership was in it for the long term. Any changes in spending, they said, weren't Red Bull cutting their losses, but changes in philosophy, consistent with the league's more successful MLS teams.

Fair enough, if that's actually what you're going to do. Meanwhile, Sports Illustrated was painting a different picture, even hinting that Red Bull might not make it through the next 10 years.

But 10 years is a long, long time, especially in U.S. soccer terms. Think about this: In 2001, just 13 years ago, the league had to contract two teams just to stay alive.

But a decade has become narrowed down to just two days.

Wahl ends his report with this...

Long story short: Don't look for Red Bull to be involved in MLS in the long-term future.