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Armando's got a new house

Our favorite (former?) Red Bull got some new digs.

Brad Penner-USA TODAY Sports

Before I moved to Atlanta, my dream growing up was to move to New York City.

God that sounds so corny when you actually write it down. Anyway, this blog's favorite footballer, Armando, has got a new place to show us.

Our home.@cristinacostasegura.

A photo posted by Armando Lozano (@armandolozano16) on

That apartment looks so cool. We need to talk about it. But first, music:

Where do we start? There's just so much here.

First off, I need to give props to the all-white decor. Armando doesn't need to decorate: the natural light projects from the walls, and his shoes, and his couch, and that side table. Armando can you fly down to Atlanta and decorate my apartment? My girlfriend may not enjoy me cutting her out of the process, but you. Can't. Argue. With results.

Second, the CD racks with absolutely no CDs is great. It is 2015, who the hell uses CDs? *quietly installs new turntable*

Armando doesn't use CDs, but he knows what looks hip. Dammit he's so hip. I mean look, he's got a cool, hip bike that he can ride around the Meatpacking District in NYC (yeah guys, Armando would live in the Meatpacking District).

Next, we've got a light-up anchor, extra-wide skis, and an inflatable donut. I was going to analyze each one of these, but I'm not worthy. All of those would look great in anyone's apartment. They are pretty versatile elements of decor.

Sort of like how Armando is a pretty versatile center back, a position that the Red Bulls are...let's just say, maybe lacking in a little and - oh no, I am ranting...this is not about how Armando is leaving us...back on topic, back on topic, back on topic.

Why is there a Canadian flag on the CD rack with no CDs? This is puzzling me way more than I think it should. I'm going to tag Armando in the Twitter headline, so I hope he reads this, responds to it, and becomes everyone at Once a Metro's friend. We'd like that. Armando is best.

Seriously, he's from Spain! Why a Canadian flag?? He's never played there!

Today's date is March, 6 2015. Christmas lights never go out of fashion if you are Armando. There are Christmas lights up in my apartment. I live with three other people in a three-person apartment. That may explain why.

It's the exact opposite of why Armando would have them. He's a heartbreaker. He has a sign that says "heartbreaker" to remind you.

Finally, as every apartment should have, there is champagne on ice - just ready for a Spanish football superstar.

Would you live in Armando's apartment? Do you agree that is he a superstar? Is it fair we are mining Armando's instagram for #content? Armando can we hang out?