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David Jensen (1) – Number of goals he’ll allow before he starts getting really passive-aggressive with his defenders
Kyle Duncan (6) – Read Inverting The Pyramid in offseason and now views self as a left back in a postwar Brazilian-style 4-2-4
Alejandro “Kaku” Gamarra (10) – Tribute to former FC Dallas and Houston Dynamo striker Abe Thompson
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Alex Muyl (19) - “Cause that’s the age we’re NEVER gonna stop being, bro!”
Josh Sims (20) – Heartfelt tribute to only remaining calendar year in which he is contractually obligated to perform for club
Cristian Casseres (23) – The jersey number of “Miguel Jordan” a beloved figure from Venezuelan children’s cartoons known for his swaggering defeats of various IMF and World Bank figures in halfcourt one-on-one
Sean Davis (27) – Same number since academy days; has wanted to change but has been terrified of speaking to Sean Ruiz ever since flaking on the John From Cincinnati-themed costume party he threw
Aaron Long (33) – Age of Long’s father when he gave up his career as a successful hot air balloon captain to build a mechanical practice striker for Aaron to defend against in the backyard; never did he explain why this required him to quit the balloon job
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Mandela Egbo (39) – 39 is halfway to ‘78, the year writing sessions began for Egbo’s favorite Steely Dan album Gaucho, released in 1980
Daniel Royer (77) – Lost soap box derby race to Derrick Etienne for the 7 jersey in summer of 2016
Chris Lema (80) – In honor of 1980, the year Steely Dan released Gaucho, the final album of the jazz-rock legends’ classic studio era
Marc Rzatkowski (90) – Reference to 1990, year of the birth of his twin brother, infamous outdoorsman/mob enforcer Toadvine Rzatkowski
Rece Buckmaster (91) – Models game, persona, and politics after Dennis Rodman
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