Gab At A Glance: The Essential Red Bull Hour

Often, the love of sport is passed down from father to son. The Essential Red Bull Hour seeks to share this deep emotional bond with the fan community. The following is an excerpt from their inaugural show, EPISODE 0001: Talkin’ Transfers.

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Thomas: WELCOME to the first episode of The Essential Red Bull Hour and today we’re discussing… Dad, are you coming? Dad?

Dad [off-microphone]: I’m coming. Start without me.

Thomas: You have to say it on mic. The audience can’t hear you.

Dad [off-microphone]: Start without me. I’m right behind you.

Thomas: You’re here with The Essential Red Bull Hour! It’s me, Thomas, and the best co-host in the world: my dad. We’ll be discussing all the news YOU need to stay up to date with the New York Red Bulls. This week we’re discussing… transfer news and rumors!

[Several seconds of silence.]

Thomas: Dad… are you ready?

Dad [off-microphone]: I’ll be right there. I’m doing something important.

Thomas: You’re… you’re reading The New York Times Book Review.

[Possible sigh heard off-microphone.]

[Sound of person getting out of recliner.]

[Fumbling of headphones.]

Dad: I’m here. Good?

Thomas: You’re… they’re not.

Dad: What?

Thomas: You didn’t put them on properly.

[Possible sound of person sighing.]

[Fumbling of headphones.]

Dad: Happy?

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Thomas: Yeah, they look great! Anyway, this is The Essential Red Bull Hour and this week we’re discussing transfer news and rumors! Are you excited?

Dad [muffled]: Sure.

Thomas: You have to get a little closer to the microphone.

Dad [louder but still muffled]: IS THIS BETTER?

[Several seconds of silence.]

Thomas: You don’t have to do this is you don’t want to.

Dad: Well, I’m here. So say whatever you were going to.

Thomas: O-Okay… This week, the Red Bulls were attached to a player named Veron Parkes from West Ham in England! He’s a very exciting young player, with tons of technical ability, and-… Dad, you’re looking at your phone.

Dad: Mhmm… No, I heard you. Vernon Sparks from England, sounds great.

Thomas: It’s Vernon Parkes.

Dad: Mhmm.

Thomas: There’s… umm… he’s… umm… uhh… he’s a soccer player who is from England, a lot of teams have… have interest, and the… the Red Bulls might… sign him.

[Several seconds of silence.]

Thomas: How come you don’t talk to me like you talk to Elizabeth?

Dad [noticeably increased energy]: What are you talking about? Are you criticizing your sister?

Thomas: No, I just… I mean-

Dad: Your sister is a hard worker and very good person.

Thomas: I know… I never said she… I never said she wasn’t.

Dad: Good.

[Several seconds of silence.]

Thomas: The uh… the Red Bulls… uh… they’re in the transfer market for… a player… and… and…You know, you don’t have to be here. It’s fine, I’ll do it myself.

Dad [muffled]: No, no, you said you wanted me to do this and I’m here. Ready to talk about the Red Bulls on your podcast.

[Several seconds of silence.]

Thomas [quietly]: Our podcast.

Thomas produces solo episodes of The Essential Red Bull Hour at an exponentially decreasing rate. His self-esteem and emotional well-being continue to be reliant on the approval of others. Recently, Thomas’ father had a lovely phone call with his daughter and remains very proud of her.

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