Gab At A Glance: Sense and Technical Ability

In a new feature at OaM, our podcast correspondent Ross Haley will periodically give us a brief taste of some of the spiciest conversations happening in the vast landscape of New York Red Bulls fan podcasts.

Sense and Technical Ability is a monthly survey of the Red Bulls’ social scene. While some may consider it antiquated, the hosts respect the traditions of the culture that has existed around the club across multiple centuries. This week’s episode discusses the upcoming supporters’ section ball, for which there is palpable buzz among the community.

Vincent Carchietta-USA TODAY Sports

Horace: One simply cannot expect to appear at the match and dance with Capo Michael. The man is above your station.

Emily: Perhaps in supporters’ group standing, but in spirited discourse of tactics and club history, I believe my father prepared me adequately. It shall be up to the good Capo to decide with whom he dances to Wipeout… and how many times.

Horace: These are dances of grace and simplicity, of which you have neither.

Emily: I am without grace? How could you utter such a cruel insult?

Horace: That you possess the audacity to pose such a barrage of queries provides a satisfactory answer. No, you shall dance with whichever of the gentlemen of the South Ward opt for you partnership, if any at all.

Emily: Perhaps one will be taken by my knowledge and full-throated utterance of the various hymns.

Horace: A supporter in the higher-numbered rows might fight it amusing.

Emily: Amusing? Is that all I am to be? Some passing fascination for a part-time supporting gentlemen lacking in online reputation and merit. My dear sister, Isabella, is engaged to be married to a board member.

Horace: Your sister attends all of the tailgates and supporters group functions. Isabella dutifully partakes is the task of painting the lovely quilted community art work that is displayed prior to sporting contests. She slowly opened the warmth of her heart during a long-term courtship thru message board and social media correspondence. You would do well to follow in her footsteps.

Emily: I will forge my own path, even if I am to dance to Wipeout alone. Should there be a gentleman caller, preferably with season tickets, who respects both my spirit and deep knowledge of the American game, then I shall respond in both love and fidelity.

Vincent Carchietta-USA TODAY Sports

Horace: And what of Mr. Reed, the message group moderator? I believe he has made inquiries.

Emily: He is a nice fellow, but does not set the heart aflame with passion and at times can be a dreadful bore. And, perhaps most damning of all, is set to inherit property in the upper bowl.

Horace: Is that not a genteel land to which one retires, satisfied at no longer being forced into exertion?

Emily: For those who dislike the exertion, yes. I don’t foresee myself retiring from the supporters’ dances, even after a union. Mr. Reed will find someone who fully appreciates his kind and grateful spirit.

Horace: You dismiss suitors with the temerity of a woman promising a much higher dowry, and not one reportedly in decline.

Emily: Reports from whom?

Horace: A source of repute, perhaps it was a fanatic or a twittering bird.

Emily: The wealth and reputation of my father, who has not once failed to put forth his yearly dues, has never been in decline.

Horace: Has the family’s plot not been moved to a much less venerated area of the arena?

Emily: It was the judicious choice, built out of a desire for a different regard of the landscape.

Horace: Perception is rarely in accordance with intent. But most damning to reach my ears is tell of your family no longer taking a second carriage into Harrison, but departing the first carriage in Newark and strolling along the river.

Emily: That is a foul and pestilent lie. For a man who oft provides unwelcome social advice, you are frequently seen drinking alone at Catas Publick House.

Horace: The sharpness of my words serves to prevent the blunt fate of loneliness, so you may not be forced into perambulating the great American arenas alone. A supporters’ life is noble, but wears on the soul. I may have been too harsh with my words, and for that, I beg your forgiveness.

Emily danced to Wipeout on the stand with Capo Michael. It is rumored that he will propose at the November’s Eve Supporters’ Ball. Despite continuing to put out episodes, the South Ward has disavowed the veracity of any of the traditions and events discussed on Sense and Technical Ability.

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