Welcome to the Red Bulls Paper Revue presented by Once a Metro.
Between 1969 and 1973, Sam Peckinpah made The Wild Bunch, Straw Dogs, and The Getaway, a stretch that also includes his decent-enough films The Ballad of Cable Hogue and Junior Bonner. I cannot impress upon you what a run it is to produce those three films in four years. To my knowledge, the only directors who exceed his efforts are Billy Wilder’s 1957-1960 (Witness for the Prosecution, Some Like it Hot, and The Apartment) and Frances Ford Coppola’s almost impossible to fathom 1972-1974 (The Godfather, The Conversation, and The Godfather Part II).
Here’s this week’s top story…
Yes, it’s all quiet on the Dylan Vente front.
He’s deep into the preseason with Roda and looks set to stay. Those rumors linking the striker to Bologna are “nothing concrete,” but the Dutch club is pursuing replacement strikers. New York hasn’t been mentioned in a few weeks, which could mean anything or absolutely nothing.
He did play in a friendly against Go Ahead Eagles over the weekend. Who knows, am I right? Not me, that’s for sure.
Speaking of recent transfer rumors, Eli Dasa is in Amsterdam… on vacation!
The Israeli wide-man is enjoying some rest and relaxation with his new wife but making sure to “train and maintain fitness until his next destination is decided.” Dasa has interest from Maccabi Tel Aviv, two MLS sides, and Werder Bremen. Free agents have plenty of time to make the right decision, unbound by the immediate needs of clubs on a spring-to-fall schedule.
As shared by blogger and podcaster Gil Kanel, Dasa is “waiting and waiting and in the end he will bring an offer.” I’m sure that clears everything up. And by everything, I mean nothing.
In lieu of old rumors (unless you really need another non-update on Dominik Baumgartner), let’s look through the dead letter bin and see if anything sounds like the Red Bulls.
Momodou Bojang joined Hibernian on a year-long loan from Rainbow FC of The Gambia. He had offers from Portugal, Sweden, and MLS but opted for Scotland. The 21-year-old striker was swayed by the facilities, project and playing style that can only be found in Leith. Despite having traveled a significantly further distance than 500 miles or even 500 more [The Proclaimers are from Leith – I’ve been asked by management to provide context for my dumber references.], his adjustment to a different “tempo than Africa” has gone well with two appearances in the Scottish League Cup.
Sliding down the United Kingdom, Brentford acquired Ben Mee on a two-year deal. The 32-year-old defender was a free agent following over a decade of service with Burnley. He joined the Bees, spurning “two other Premier League clubs and an MLS move.” The Red Bulls’ collective tactics don’t seem like a good fit for someone with such a selfish surname.
Speaking of rumors, a pair of Argentine attackers was reportedly being circled by MLS. Ramiro Enrique and Giuliano Galoppo, both of Banfield, were in the crosshairs of some American clubs, destinations unknown. The former is a 21-year-old forward with everything you want at the position. The latter, 23 and in the midfield, appears due for São Paulo. You probably weren’t aware of either player, which makes this all very awkward.
A club in MLS offered €2 million for Luis Palma. The 22-year-old Honduran attacker is currently with Aris in Greece and spent 2019 on loan with Real Monarchs in the USL. His current outfit demands no less than €5 million, with Olimpiacos and Belgian suitors circling. If we know one thing about the Red Bulls, it’s that they love bidding wars.
These are your five names. Do any of those rumors seem tailored to the Red Bulls? That’s a great question for someone else to answer.
As you may have heard, the New York Red Bulls are taking on a little club called Barcelona on July 30th. Polish fans have quite the decision whether to be at Red Bull Arena to see Robert Lewandoswki or the boxing match between Adam Kownacki and Ali Demirezen at the Barclays Center in Brooklyn. The heavyweight fighter insists that spectators might be able to catch both events in person, which… seems… possible.
According to Kownacki, Red Bulls striker Patryk Klimala promised that “he would come to [the] fight.” The match is at seven. The fight is supposed to be at ten-ish.
Maybe he’s not playing in the friendly… and also has access to a helicopter.
Breiðablik triumphed in the second leg of the second leg of UEFA Europa Conference League qualifying. Blikar took down Montenegrin opponent Budućnost Podgorica by a 2-0 margin at the home stomping grounds of the Kópavogsvöllur. Omar Sowe entered the match in the 80th minute and was on the pitch for both goals, which counts for something.
“Kevin Thelwell must hate me,” said a manager.
Oh, no, not that one. This was said by Everton manager Frank Lampard! Apparently the two of them gossip like little school children about all the changes they’re making at England’s Milhouse club.
“I’m on the phone with him all the time,” said the former NYCFC midfielder. “I have a great relationship with him. We’re actively trying to push things forward.”
Everything is wine and roses until the losses start to pile up.
Here’s a story that was submitted to the Paper Revue by OaM Oakland bureau chief Juan Mesa.
Hey, Fábio Gomes started for Atlético Mineiro in a domestic league match against Cuiabá. That’s good, right? The Brazilian striker got on the field for 77 minutes in the 1-1 draw.
Well, maybe it wasn’t so good. When the manager feels obligated to explain your inclusion in the lineup, perhaps that’s a negative omen. Other players were missing for a variety of health reasons, thus, “That’s why,” said Antonio “Turco” Mohamed to the press.
But, well-well, he’s not Fábio’s problem anymore. The manager and his assistants were fired despite being at third in the league and a mere four points off the top of the table. Perhaps the next gaffer will cast the right spells to draw the magic out of his third-and-or-fourth-string striker.
There’s a star manager emerging in Finland.
Slowly but surely Teemu Tainio led FC Haka out of the second division and avoided relegation the past two seasons. This year, he has the Valkeakoski club in fifth place and aiming for Europa Conference League qualification, with eight come-from-behind wins and draws. A six-match unbeaten streak has earned plaudits, but the former Red Bull remains unsatisfied.
“All I can do is take my hat off,” said a hatless Tainio. “The guys work hard to the bone. These are not the best for the pump, but we can believe in what we are doing until the end. We got new energy from the change and we rose to the levels.”
At his current trajectory, FC Haka should be winning the Champions League in around a decade or so.
This year is going poorly for Club Deportivo Universidad de San Martín de Porres in the Peruvian Primera División. After a 17th place finish in the Torneo Apertura, the Torneo Clasura schedule opened with back-to-back 4-0 losses. The worm must turn quickly or else relegation is on the menu for the 18th-place-in-the-aggregate-table Albos (Whites).
Star attacker Gonzalo Verón is sounding the alarm. “It is a difficult moment, but we not only analyze this game, but also the difficulties we have been having in terms of set pieces, dead balls, and it is something that we have already discussed with the group,” warned the former Red Bulls Designated Player after falling to Club Universitario de Deportes. “It is something that we are going to solve, we are on time. There is a great technical command, a great group, but it is not enough... We have no more margin for error.”
Of course, as loyal readers know, life off the field is much, much more profitable for Verón. His lawsuit with Independiente appears to have been settled. For “non-compliance with wages” after being “without a team in the midst of the pandemic,” the Argentine club will pay $4.8 million and suffer the seizure of television rights.
The club is already dealing with what is described as “a football and economic crisis” by La Nación. That is hardly Verón’s problem. Independiente was reportedly supposed to fulfill his contract and “take over the money he paid out of pocket to terminate his deal with the New York Red Bulls.”
Have you seen this? Have you heard about this?
Ajax Amsterdam took on Red Bull Salzburg in a friendly. According to Voetbalprimeur, the Dutch super-club “survived” the physical exhibition, with proceedings becoming “a little grim” as “riots broke out here and there.” Former New Yawker Youba Diarra is cited as a main culprit, and the Malian midfielder is described as a “leg-breaker.”
Here’s a joke that was submitted by Louisa of Plainsboro Township.
“That’s an improvement – usually Diarra is breaking his own legs.”
Thank you, Louisa. Just… behave yourself.
Do you have a story you’d like to submit to the Paper Revue? Email us at bencorkOAM@gmail.com or send a DM to @Once_A_Metro on Twitter.