Welcome to the Red Bulls Paper Revue presented by Once a Metro.
I’ve realized that most criticism is just projection. People are disingenuous cowards who cannot get their own lives in order. For example, my dentist told me that I need to brush more, but I guarantee she’s the one with the “serious dental hygiene problem.”
Here’s this week’s top story.
I simply cannot allow the Twitterati to have all of the transfer market fun. Here’s a rumor just for the click-and-readers to let you know that I appreciate your indulgence. Let’s hope aboard the jet and head to Uganda because it seems like the Red Bulls may be doing just that.
According to Swift Sports, “highly-rated” midfielder Ibrahim Kasule was left off of the Uganda roster for the upcoming African Nations Championship, which is a different competition than the Africa Cup of Nations. He is described as the “most in-form” and “best” player in the domestic Premier League, racking up five goals and six assists during the first half of the season. The 18-year-old attacking midfielder competes with Wakiso Giants FC, also known as the Purple Sharks.
Now, some are questioning the nature of his absence from the national team. Kasule was withdrawn “ahead of a possible transfer to an unconfirmed club,” with his passport needed for “paperwork procedures.” He is reportedly “under the watchful eye” of countryman and NYRB II head coach Ibrahim Sekagya, which sounds vaguely similar to the Steven Sserwadda acquisition. However, there is interest from “an unidentified club in Turkey,” an enemy to bean counters the world over.
The future is unwritten because as noted with delightful morbidity by Swift Sports, “Kasule’s possible destination remains as mysterious as death.” I’ll hazard a guess as to where he ends up: the top. This young man appears to be a legitimate talent.
Carlos Coronel is NOT going to Sturm Graz… maybe.
Kronen Zeitung reports that the second-place Austrian Bundesliga outfit was pursuing the Brazilian goalkeeper. He even followed them on social media platform Instagram! However, the deal “fell through” because the Red Bulls “didn’t play along and choked off the change financially.”
And that’s how it is. The drama is over. Move on with your lives.
Unless… it’s not over because Sturm Graz badly wants a goalkeeper. “We keep our eyes open,” said sporting director Andreas Schicker. “If something fits for the future, something can happen in winter. It will be a foreign solution. It’s difficult to implement, but I wouldn’t rule it out entirely.”
Should be an exciting January.
Natasha Patel is done in New York, leaving the role of head of performance analysis and returning to Southampton, where she previously held the same position. However, her new job title is assistant academy director for the English club’s renowned youth setup, which includes “special responsibility for the U15 to U18 programme.” The Red Bulls hired her in October of 2019, touting her abilities in “match review, opponent preparation, [and] player development.”
Time will tell how big of a deal this move is… or it won’t.
Red Bull Salzburg wants Johan Vásquez.
The something-time Austrian champions are reportedly pursuing the Mexican defender, currently on loan at Cremonese from Genoa. He isn’t playing a lot in Serie A and could benefit from a change of scenery. The deal would be a loan with an option to buy, hoping to find cover for Maximilian Wöber, who moved to Leeds United.
And why, pray tell, is this relevant to you, dear reader? Well, you see, the story goes that Red Bull has been pursuing Vásquez for quite a long time, back when he was at UNAM Pumas. According to reports out of Mexico, the 24-year-old was once a target for New York.
Things change, don’t they?
New York Red Bulls head of goalkeeping Jyri Nieminen appeared on THE LOWDOWN podcast, being interviewed on an episode titled “The Art of Curiosity.” He discusses “turning [his] back on playing for a coaching career” and “acclimatizing to different cultures.” The Finn is always a good listen, so tune in and have a barrel of enjoyment.
After a lot of, honestly, nonstarter rumors about Amir Murillo, I think we can take this one a little more seriously.
LANCE! and ge have reported that Botafogo is negotiating for the Panamanian fullback. The two-time Campeonato Brasileiro Série A champions are deciding between him and Giovanni González of Mallorca. Media believes the latter is a more likely signing, as Murillo is such an important player for Anderlecht.
The Red Bulls are reportedly due a sell-on fee in the event of his sale, which is sure to be a devastatingly large amount of moolah.
Peter Stroud finished runner up in the voting for the 2022 MAC Hermann Trophy. The Duke University midfielder came up short against Creighton’s Duncan McGuire. And that’s all the news there is about him.
Who is the hottest defender in Ligue 2?
If you guess “Issiar Dramé,” then you’re damn right. The 6’6” center back joined SC Bastia last September and finally broke through into the lineup. He started and went the distance in the last two matches, scoring the game-winning goal in the latter 1-0 victory over Valenciennes.
The opposing goalkeeper oopsied and forgot that Dramé is a biggun.
Of course, his career prior to Bastia has been a bit of an odyssey. His time in MLS reportedly ended due to a “quota problem for foreign problems.” He found “waiting for the departure of other players” to be “impossible” and returned to Ukraine right before the situation in that country became front-page news.
After over a year without match experience, Dramé had to get back into the swing of things. “Training alone and training with a group is totally different. First, I had to pick up the pace physically,” he told Corse Matin. “Then I found the feelings of the matches with the reserve, even if it is not the same adversity as in Ligue 2. After the truce, the coach came to see me, to find out how I felt. I was ready, I was looking forward to the moment to play.”
In a way, Dramé’s career was on an island. Bastia, where he is experiencing success, is located on Corsica, which is an island. Isn’t it poetic how the figurative and the literal can intersect?
“No, that’s stupid.”
I’m sorry. I’m doing my best.
Who was named the top player in the Saudi Professional League for the month of September? If you guessed Alejandro Romero Gamarra, also known as Kaku, then you are correct and probably cheating. Following the end of the World Cup, the Al-Taawoun attacker put up two goals and three assists in three matches, to say nothing of his brace and a helper in the Round of 16 of The Custodian of the Two Holy Mosques’ Cup.
That’s nice. I hope he’s having fun over there.
Do you remember Aurélien Collin? The French defender played for the Red Bulls from 2016 through 2018 and was pretty good. He was a classic “hate him as an opponent, but you want him on your team” kind of defender, to say nothing of his actual talent and ability to stabilize a back line.
Perhaps those organizational skills will come into use at his new gig, assisting Ben Olsen at Dynamo Houston. Less than a year since his retirement, Collin is getting a shot at the big time, described as a “hungry, up-and-coming coach with clear ideas about the game.” The… Orange Crush [Really?] have been trending downward over the past few years and could definitely use his help.
Honestly, I think he’s going to smash it, and not just physically, as is his custom.
Here’s a joke that was submitted by Ginger of Lyndhurst.
“After missing the playoffs eight times in nine seasons, they should change the club’s name from Houston Dynamo FC to Houston We-Have-A-Problem FC.”
Thank you, Ginger. Those two MLS Cups were won a very long time ago.
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