Last Monday, MLS released stadium plans for its brand-new Los Angeles Football Club expansion franchise. On a sunny day in downtown LA, the group announced the expected facility would hold 20,000 people (or roughly half the size of the ownership group itself).
But, of course, we all know nobody goes to stadiums just for the games anymore! For instance, when people go to a baseball game, they want to have a transcendent experience -- namely transcending the decision to watch baseball in the first place.
The architects of LAFC know this, and so they are planning some fabulous new attractions and promotions that the stadium will feature. Come check out some of the Southern California-themed fun that everybody can experience at the team's first match in 2018!
Botox-a-Bear Workshops
What better way to teach your child the wonders of beauty-obsessed Los Angeles than by observing the rejuvenating effects of plastic surgery on their own adorable, yet rapidly aging teddy bear?
Have Teddy looking young again after undergoing the full gamut of cosmetic procedures -- Botox injection, facelift, nose job, tummy tuck, and buttock augmentation. They'll learn true beauty comes from within... concourse section B behind the nachos stand!
Public Transit Night
Hey, here's an idea: saving the environment and having fun at the same time! One night per season, LAFC supporters will only be allowed into the stadium if they display a recently used ticket from the Los Angeles public transportation system.
So fans better be sure to figure out how to do that, if it's even possible, how much it costs, and where the train picks up (I think there's a train) or where the bus goes (maybe there are buses? I swear I've seen buses before). Bon voyage!
Buy One Ticket, Your Reality Show Cameraman Gets in Free
What a smart promotion: If you buy a ticket to any LAFC match, you'll get one additional ticket free to give to your reality show cameraman!
So no matter whether you're a crazy boss, a crazy chef, a crazy ghost hunter, a romance-crazed crazy person, a crazy musician, a crazy parent, or a crazy young child with crazy parents, this promotion will help keep costs low so that your sixth-season pickup by E! Television will go that much more smoothly.
Tar Pits Parking Lot
Unfortunately, right as LAFC put shovels into the ground on their new stadium, the construction crew ruptured the spigot of a million-year-old tar pit reserve, which promptly burst and spilled out over several thousand square feet of proposed parking lot.
Undeterred, LAFC is going ahead with construction of the lot, but will provide fans with a concessions discount if a loved one is absorbed into the syrupy, viscous goo. The stick-to-it-iveness of Los Angeles will literally be on full display!
A Tribute Exhibit to Water
Since scientists project that by 2018 California's water supply will be long gone, LAFC will honor their state's past history of having access to fresh water with a "What Water Was Like" exhibit inside their stadium's concourse.
It'll be great nostalgia for thirsty parents and also a learning experience for parched younguns as they walk through the mini-museum whilst licking granules from their cups of dry powdered milk. It's another wonderful addition for the stadium that'll bring families together in their shared dehydrated agony!
***
