Red Bulls Paper Revue: May 16, 2022

Welcome to the Red Bulls Paper Revue presented by Once a Metro.

A New Yorker promised his wife that he would start working out and get in shape. In reality, he was just using the time to go to the bar and have a few hours to himself. She had her suspicions because the man wasn’t losing any weight, which were only confirmed when she asked what gym he goes to. He replied, “The 92nd Street Y.”

Here’s this week’s top story.

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Watford named a new manager, hiring flashy young name Rob Edwards. The 39-year-old former Wales international recently steered Forest Green Rovers to first place in and promotion from League Two. He will be expected to lead the relegation-guaranteed Hornets back to the Premier League next season. OaM readers might be familiar with Edwards after we speculated in 2020 that the former Wolverhampton Wanderers reserve coach might be on Kevin Thelwell’s shortlist to replace Chris Armas.

His top-secret departure aroused some bad sentiment at his old club. “It takes a bit of the shine off winning promotion,” said Forest Green owner Dale Vince. “If there’s any karma in football they’ll languish in the Championship and we’ll meet them there in a few years’ time. [Edwards] said he’d been advised by Watford and his agent to keep it a secret from Forest Green which I think is pretty poor from them. It’s poor from Rob and he knows it. I thought I knew him better as a person.”

The relevance to you, dear reader, is that reported Watford candidate Gerhard Struber will be staying put with the Red Bulls…

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Wait for it…

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For nowwwwwwwww.

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As reported by the Morris NewsBee, the Morris Township Planning Board is hosting the “first meeting on the proposed New York Red Bulls training facility” on May 16th… which is today! After the “Pledge of Allegiance’’ and “Roll Call,” members will discuss the construction of “four pro fields, three academy fields, a competition field, an agility youth training area, a youth field, an indoor half-field, a field house, pro/academy buildings, a groundskeeping building, various support buildings, academy dormitories, parking areas, equipment storage area, lighting, buffering, and other uses.” The plan is to use the former Honeywell International campus, but the Fair Share Housing Center recently filed a lawsuit claiming the local government “failed to consider the land for affordable housing before rezoning.”

Perhaps most interesting to me is the potential for academy dormitories. The Red Bulls need to keep pace in a fiercely competitive talent market. Forcing players to commute or live with host families would be a less-than-ideal option moving forward.

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The Portugal U16 National Team closed out the UEFA Development Tournament in the city of Castelo Branco with a 2-1 loss to the United States. Dual-national Bento Estrela played 58 minutes, his third appearance at the competition. Manager Filipe Ramos is looking ahead to the 2023 UEFA European Under-17 Championship and considers this roster the foundation for future call-ups.

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During last weekend’s match, commentator JP Dellacamera said that Red Bulls midfielder Luquinhas “almost signed with the [Philadelphia] Union a year ago.” I was unaware of that fact, and perhaps you were as well. The Brazilian was pursued pretty heavily during his entire time in Poland, with Legia Warsaw rejecting “several offers” from unnamed suitors during the winter transfer window of 2021, hoping for a fee in the range of five-to-six million euro.

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Breiðablik continued rolling in the Besta-deild karla with a 3-2 win over Ungmennafélag Stjarnan. On-loan striker Omar Sowe entered the match in the 85th minute. Blikar tops the frosted Icelandic table with a perfect 5-0-0 record.

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You may remember when Mustafa Kizza was on trial with the Red Bulls. The CF Montréal defender appeared in a reserve team friendly and... that… was… it! He is reportedly set to join Young Africans of the Tanzanian Premier League. Yanga or Wananchi tops the table but will surely benefit from the presence of the Uganda senior international patrolling the back line.

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Supporters of Clube Atlético Mineiro are unhappy with Fábio Gomes.

“HOW. UNHAPPY. ARE. THEY?”

They’re so unhappy that they used the club posting about a former striker as an opportunity to host a Friars Club Roast of the former Red Bulls striker. Since middle-March (not Middlemarch), he has appeared for a total of 16 minutes with the reigning Campeonato Brasileiro Série A champions. The goal and assist tally is… well, it’s about what you’d expect from limited playing time.

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Futbol Club Andorra is inching closer to promotion to the second tier of Spanish football, and a former Red Bull is shouldering a significant portion of the load.

Ruben Bover captains Els Tricolors (The Tricolours) and even scored in a recent 3-1 win over Albacete Balompié. He has four goals and three assists this season for Gerard Piqué’s club. With three matches remaining and the top spot in the Primera División RFEF Group 2 table, I certainly wouldn’t bet against them and those gaudy kits.

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Following a 1-1 draw with Vendsyssel FF, Esbjerg fB is in dire need of help to avoid relegation from the second tier of Danish soccer. Mathias Jørgensen entered the match at halftime and helped regain the lead, but a 91st minute goal from the opposition may have doomed the season. With three matches remaining and six points from safety, there probably isn’t a lot of hope floating around the Blue Water Arena.

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There’s a palpable buzz around Saint Louis CITY FC, with MLS’ newest team set to do some damage in the Gateway next season. The manager is none other than Bradley Carnell, formerly of the University of Johannesburg and, of course, the New York Red Bulls. His previous work should provide a boost at the new job.

“The Red Bulls experience is going to be of massive help,” Carnell told New Frame.” I’m very grateful for the experience gained over there. From style of play to coaching know-how, I felt like I was always on a good path knowing the ‘what’ and ‘why’ I was doing. But I feel like I learnt the ‘how’ to use the tools provided to get there. It all begins with good people willing to allow others to grow.”

Building a club from the ground up is a unique challenge, with the expected peaks and valleys of any learning experience. Ideally, Carnell will receive three years to produce results, building a solid base of youth talent that can press and play a physical game. Perhaps more importantly for his career, he made the jump from “assistant” to “Mr. Manager” and will now be listed in future roll calls for open positions.

Carnell will have a familiar face to help in the process, as Red Bulls media officer John Gasparoni left to join the St Louis operation last week.

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R.S.C. Anderlecht lost, 2-0, to Royale Union Saint-Gilloise in hot Belgian action. That wasn’t the key talking point from the match. Instead, what has tongues a-wagging’ is the 87th minute red card from Amir Murillo for what is described as a “violent tackle.”

Roll the clip.

Manager Vincent Kompany is said to be furious, with the player already set to receive a suspension of at least two matches. “It will not go unpunished,” said the former defender, known for his level-headed nature.. “It will be settled internally at club level and I won’t say how, but I can’t accept that, and I won’t accept it.”

I’m sure Murillo is hoping Aunty Entity’s wheel lands on the punishment of “gulag,” taken in the form of a transfer elsewhere.

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Former Red Bulls II defender Emir Tombul is hitting the old road once again. FC Wil of the second-tier Swiss Challenge League is opting against extending his contract. He made four appearances this season and gets to continue his journeyman career at a fantastic new location.

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With a shot at promotion on the line, Swindon Town took on Port Vale in the first leg of the League Two playoff semifinal. The Robins notched a 2-1 win at the County Ground but surrendered a 83rd minute goal that could prove costly in the future. Former Red Bull Mandela Egbo started and earned a rating of “THIS ARTICLE IS ONLY AVAILABLE TO SUBSCRIBERS” from the Swindon Advertiser.

The return leg is on Thursday, March 19th.

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Former MetroStars/Red Bull striker and academy director Giovanni Savarese may be on the verge of a move to Europe. The Portland Timbers manager is connected to Venezia F.C., a club looking certain to be competing in Italy’s Serie B next season. Alfredo Pedulla reports that his profile has been “carefully studied” and is “pending a final decision.”

Now, as you may be aware, Savarese is Venezuelan. The Red Bulls happen to have a player from the same country, and he may be looking to hit the transfer market. This midfielder may also have expressed the hope of someday competing in Italy.

Please, of course, remember that this is the Paper Revue. Nothing said in these pages should be treated as anything other than idle speculation. Unless a prediction comes true, in which case, you will address me as “Sir.”

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Who can it beeeeeee nooow?

Do Do Do-Doooo Dooo-Do.

Prolly not Reddddd Bulll.

Do Do Do-Doooo Dooo-Do.

Brazilian jornalista Monique Silva of Um Doi Esportes reported that Lucas Halter has an offer from a yet-to-be-revealed Major League Soccer team. The six-foot-cough-cough-two center back competes for Club Athletico Paranaense, making eight appearances this season across all competitions. Once upon a time, the Brazilian youth international was in the crosshairs of Manchester City, Roma, and Atlético Madrid.

Now, his career has not gone quite according to plan. Halter missed “the entire 2021 season” because of an injury to his Achilles tendon. The time may be right for a move abroad after spending his entire life with Paranaense, failing to grab the starting role.

We could have some fun here and make baseless connections like “HIS AGENCY HAS TWO PLAYERS AT RED BULL CLUBS,” but that’s even too speculative and circumstantial for me. Let’s just keep an open mind. New York is probably in the market for a center back, and Halter has probably been kicking around scouting databases for a few years, similar to a Luquinhas or a Carlos Coronel or a Fábio Gomes.

But, again, let’s not read too far into things.

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Former Red Bull Dane Richards was interviewed on the I Am Sure Sports YouTube channel, a wide-ranging discussion lasting over 95 minutes. The “Roadrunner” provided a career retrospective, including such tidbits as making up excuses to avoid church and play soccer, which resulted in his mother being kicked out of the congregation’s choir. He also shared his experience training with some guy named Thierry Henry.

“When Henry did come [to the Red Bulls], I think he had a knack,” said Richards, clad in Arsenal gear. “And he did an interview and since he did that interview, I think my game changed completely. He did an interview and they were like, ‘Oh, you think you’re gonna run this New York team?’ And he said, ‘I’m gonna run the team? It’s Dane Richards’ team… Do you see? He’s the man out there.’ And ever since you come into a locker room, you show me a different kind of respect… You have a good relationship on and off the field. If you don’t know him, though, you’re gonna think [he’s] the most arrogant person in the world, but you have a right to be.”

Despite being a veteran at that stage, playing with Henry helped improve his game, pushing him to work harder. Richards currently coaches youth soccer in Texas with Sting Austin and is working on his next coaching license, hoping to eventually be a youth international manager. He believes that receiving the right training at a younger age would have made him “deadly” when paired with his speed.

Here’s a joke that was submitted by Philomena of Lacey Township.

“I can think of a lot of things that are deadly when paired with speed.”

Thank you, Philomena. Be safe out there and make good choices.

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Do you have a story you’d like to submit to the Paper Revue? Email us at bencorkOAM@gmail.com or send a DM to @Once_A_Metro on Twitter.