Could the New York Red Bulls do it on a cold Wednesday in Toronto? Apparently not, as they proved in a 2-1 loss to Toronto FC. The Red Bulls needed one point to clinch a playoff spot and a berth in the CONCACAF Champions League, so they decided it would be way more fun to get zero.
Herculez Gomez (he's in Toronto now, in case you didn't know) took advantage of an awful Ronald Zubar clearance and put the ball past Luis Robles. Apparently Christmas, much like Thanksgiving, also comes early in Canada.
Sebastian Giovanni Ribisi was subbed in in the 71st minute. In the 78th minute he walked through the entire Red Bulls' defense and scored. I'm shocked, you're shocked, the monkey's shocked.
Speaking of brothers-
"What? Who the hell said anything about brothers? Who are you? Your blogs suck."
SPEAKING OF BROTHERS... Shaun Wright-Phillips pulled one back in the 86th minute with a beautiful one-time shot from outside the 18. It's weird, people talk about the "quality" that players of his caliber bring, but one rarely sees such a perfect example of it. That's the quality, that's the class. First goal as a Red Bull, and I sure hope it isn't the last. The team could use some of that during the playoffs.
Jozy Altidore was given a red card in the 34th minute... FROM THE BENCH (dun dun dun). The official stat sheet lists the reasoning as "foul and abusive language." I need to know what he said before making a judgment call. Was it the routine foul and abusive like my dad after the Giants lose or the special kind of foul and abusive like my uncle after the 2008 Presidential election?
So, Toronto made the playoffs for the first time in team history. It was a good run, wasn't it? All those years without a playoff appearance. Now who will we make fun of?
Anyway, there's a match at home on Sunday against the lifeless corpse of the Philadelphia Union. The Red Bulls should clinchity-clinch in a cinchity-cinch with that match. Or they won't.
I'm supposed to come up with three things we learned from this match...
1) Zubar is certainly something, isn't he...
Ronald Zubar has his good days and his bad days. He makes a lot of money (relatively) for somebody who has so many bad days. However, if you'll allow me to put on my optimist hat and thong, I firmly believe that every bad performance before the playoffs is him "getting one out of his system."
2) I wouldn't want to face Toronto during the playoffs.
They're streaky, man. Like the hair of that girl in that coffee shop I stared at for 20 minutes before she got uncomfortable and left. I'm hoping someone else knocks them out of the playoffs before we get to them. Or else it's gong to be a tough road trip to Canada and 180 minutes of Sebastian Giorgio Armani.
3) Some words of wisdom:
It's only two o'clock and the temperature's beginning to soar
And all around the city you see the walking wounded and the living dead
It's never been this hot and I've never been so bored
And breathing is just no fun anymore
And then I saw you like a summer dream
And you're the answer to every prayer that I ever said
I saw you like a summer dream
And you're the answer to every prayer that I ever said
You can feel the pulse of the pavement racing like a runaway horse
The subways are steaming and the skin of the street is gleaming with sweat
I've seen you sitting on the steps outside
And you were looking so restless and reckless and lost
I think it's time for you to come inside
I'll be waiting here with something that you'll never forget
I think it's time for you to come inside
I'll be waiting here with something that you'll never forget
Come on! come on!
And there'll be no turning back
You were only killing time and it'll kill you right back
Come on! come on!
It's time to burn up the fuse
You've got nothing to do and even less to lose
You've got nothing to do and even less to lose
So wander down the ancient hallway
Taking the stairs only one at a time
Follow the sound of my heartbeat now
I'm in the room at the top, you're at the end of the line
Open the door and lay down on the bed
The sun is just a ball of desire
And I wanna take you out of the frying pan (and into the fire)
Out of the frying pan (and into the fire)
Out of the frying pan (and into the fire)
And I wanna take you out of the frying pan (and into the fire)
Out of the frying pan (and into the fire)
Out of the frying pan (and into the fire)
And into the fire! fire! fire!
And into the fire! fire! fire!
And into the fire! fire! fire!
And into the fire!
It's only two o'clock and the temperature's beginning to soar
And all around the city you see the walking wounded and the living dead
It's never been this hot and I've never been so bored
And breathing is just no fun anymore
And then I saw you like a summer dream
And you're the answer to every prayer that I ever said
I saw you like a summer dream
And you're the answer to every prayer that I ever said
Come on! come on!
And there'll be no turning back
You were only killing time and it'll kill you right back
Come on! come on!
It's time to burn up the fuse
You've got nothing to do and even less to lose
You've got nothing to do and even less to lose
So wander down the ancient hallway
Taking the stairs only one at a time
Follow the sound of my heartbeat now
I'm in the room at the top, you're at the end of the line
Open the door and lay down on the bed
The sun is just a ball of desire
And I wanna take you out of the frying pan (and into the fire)
Out of the frying pan (and into the fire)
Out of the frying pan (and into the fire)
And I wanna take you out of the frying pan (and into the fire)
Out of the frying pan (and into the fire)
Out of the frying pan (and into the fire)
And into the fire! fire! fire!
And into the fire! fire! fire!
And into the fire! fire! fire!
And into the fire!
