Today word came down from CONCACAF that Impact goalkeeper Evan Bush will not be allowed to play in the second leg of the Champions League final due to yellow card accumulation, so Montreal is looking for an emergency replacement for the match Wednesday.
Since MLS has now said that the French side cannot take the Chicago Fire's Sean Johnson on a short-term loan, we at Once a Metro have compiled five options to fill the empty space in L'Impact's net. You're welcome, Montreal.
5. Brett Favre
Brett Favre is known for three things: excellence in sport, Wrangler jean commercials, and coming out of retirement. So we ask, why not rejoin the fray once more, Brett, for old, old time's sake? Also, don't fear: Favre's erratic last season in the NFL shouldn't bode too poorly since in soccer he'd be aiming the ball at the ground anyways.
4. Kirstie Alley
Kirstie Alley already proved herself to be an excellent replacement actress for Shelley Long after she left the long-running hit sitcom "Cheers." Why not ply her replacement trade in the world of soccer? Another perk: Her shoulder pads would work as excellent shot-blocking equipment.
3. Summon an Evan Bush from the near future after he is rid of yellow card restriction
The CONCACAF rules don't say anything about time traveling several weeks in the future to summon an alternate Evan Bush who has already paid his yellow card punishment and would be cleared to play. Get to it, Centre des Sciences de Montréal!
2. Larry Musgrove from The Big Green
Patrick Renna played Larry Musgrove in Disney classic "The Big Green" and should put his goalkeeping hat in the ring for the Impact this week, too. In the film, he imagined himself as a monster in order to block shots. In Montreal, he can imagine himself as Gérard Depardieu -- an equally if not more frightening proposition.
1. Bevan Mush
Oh, look, here comes the long-haired, mustachioed reserve keeper whom the Impact accidentally kept off their roster until, uh, several minutes ago. What a strange coincidence. Welp, looks like there's no problem after all, so let's get this match started. Allez, Bevan Mush!
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