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Caleb Porter has an interesting definition of "soft goals"

The only "soft" things I want to hear about are pretzels.

It's traditional (see: required) for coaches to give post match press conferences (or media scrums on the road). Generally the things said in the conferences are what you would expect. Stuff like "We played well, but didn't have it." The meaningless quotes which really don't provide much to talk about. Every once in a while though, someone will say something that is. This week it's Caleb Porter, manager of the Portland Timbers. Here's a video of his post-match conference. Watch the whole thing, or not, I don't really care. The relevant quote is below the video.

We had two shots from 18 yards out and they score one from 35. Like I said, both of those, they had some really good chances where [Adam] Kwarasay made some save, but those two were really soft goals.

Soft goals. I get that he's upset about his team's performance but soft goals? Did he not watch what happened? A 35 yard shot is never ever a "soft goal".

Yes, Felipe Martins was lucky because the Portland defense was playing it soft and gave him all day to take a stroll in the park before he decided to let one loose, but he still has to make that shot work. That ball had no spin and dipped after it got past Adam Kwarasay. That's some beautiful stuff that will live on highlight reels.

Now Damien Perrinelle's goal. Does a defender have a right to score? Yes. Does it mean he should? No, they're defenders. You have midfielders and forwards for a reason. So when a defender scores of course it's a soft goal! Well, that is unless it's a sweet looking header back across goal. See, you need to be able to jump for a decent header. Even more, you need to be able to at least direct it to the right area of goal. To do both of those is not something that happens for everyone all too often. Add to that the amazing feed by Gonzalo Veron and you have at least another Goal of the Week candidate. Should the Timbers' defense have done better? Sure, but you can't blame them for watching the rising stars of the New York Red Bulls.

Maybe instead of calling goals soft, Porter should find a time machine and recapture his days at Akron. We're closing in on three soft years with Portland playing below its talent level. If he got some of that ol' college magic, then soft goals by the Red Bulls wouldn't matter. Oh, there's also losing the 2012 Olympic Qualifying thing also. That was soft.