Well... that sucked. Here's what happened.

24' GOAL Orlando: Cyle Larin (Kaka)

29' GOAL New York: Dax McCarty (Matt Miazga)

43' GOAL Orlando: Cyle Larin (Carlos Rivas)

46' GOAL Orlando: Own Goal

57' SENDING OFF New York Red Bulls: Jesse Marsch

58' GOAL New York: Lloyd Sam (Gonzalo Veron)

61' GOAL Orlando: Cyle Larin (Carlos Rivas)

76' SENDING OFF New York Red Bulls: Matt Miazga

90+3' GOAL Orlando: Bryan Rochez (Kaka)

How enthralling.

So, anyway, in the movie Forrest Gump (which won way too many Academy Awards, but that's a story for a different day) there's a girl named Jenny. Forrest (the main character) is in love with Jenny and all she does the whole movie is take advantage of his generosity and kindness. At the end of the film, we find out that not only is Forrest a wealthy man, but Jenny has a son! And surprise, it's the rich guy's son! Also, Jenny is dying, so will you look after this kid, Forrest?

Okay, so hear me out. Maybe it's Forrest's son and maybe it isn't. But either way, Jenny is a horrible, horrible person.

If the boy (played by Haley Joel Osment) IS Forrest's son, then Jenny hid him from Forrest. She took away him experiencing years of his son's life.

If the boy IS NOT Forrest's son, then Jenny is simply passing off someone else's kid on Moneybags Gump. And she knows he'll take the kid into his palatial estate because he'll do anything for her. It's an unhealthy, one-way relationship, but what can you do? Stupid is as stupid does.

Now we can assume that it's Forrest's son, but that only means that Jenny hid his son from him. She introduced ambiguity into the situation by not telling him immediately. That's awful. Jenny not only denied Forrest time with his potential son, but also kept her son from meeting his supposed father during his early formative years.

People will come up with hundreds of excuses why it's okay: she had a horrible childhood, she didn't want to ruin Forrest's life, etc. HOWEVER, she was again hurting the only person who ever truly cared about her.

Forrest is too slow to understand that he should be angry at Jenny (and, sure, she's dying, so there's probably no use in getting mad at her on the way out), but he should be. I got your back, Gump. You raise that kid who may or may not be yours, find a new girl/woman to worship, and spend your billions in the most extravagant ways possible.

So no matter how mad you are about the New York Red Bulls' performance tonight, remember that you should way more angry with that awful Jenny from Forrest Gump.

Here are some puppy pictures to slake your blood lust: